You Have to STOP Telling Yourself These 3 Things

There are certain thoughts riders repeat so often that eventually they start sounding like facts. Maybe they show up after a rough ride, when you think about entering a show, or when you’re about to do something that pushes you outside your comfort zone.

I’m not good enough.

What if I mess this up?

Maybe my horse doesn’t even enjoy doing this with me.

Those little thoughts matter. They can shape how confidently you ride, what you’re willing to try, and how far you allow yourself to go with your horse.

If you’re afraid to run your horse hard and fast, nervous about going to a show on your own, or worried you’ll never be good enough, it may be time to stop treating every fearful thought like the truth.

Here are three things I want you to stop telling yourself—and what to focus on instead.

1. Stop telling yourself you’re not good enough

Instead of fixating on everything you think you lack, start recognizing your progress and focusing on growth. Acknowledge how far you’ve come as a rider, celebrate your achievements—even the small ones—and give yourself credit for the work you’ve put into improving.

The best horsemen are students of the horse. They continue learning, experimenting, and improving because they understand there will always be more to learn.

Your riding is no different. Improvement takes time and effort, and every ride gives you another opportunity to develop your skills.

You don’t have to already be the rider you want to become to be making progress toward becoming them.

Instead of asking whether you’re good enough, start paying attention to whether you’re continuing to learn and grow.

2. Stop telling yourself that mistakes mean failure

Mistakes are a normal part of learning. Failure isn’t fatal, and getting something wrong doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of eventually getting it right.

One of the best pieces of horse-training advice I got came from Andrea Fappani. He described setting up a puzzle for the horse and allowing the horse to figure out the answer.

When you’re starting a horse, for example, they may feel pressure from your legs and try going backward, up, or sideways before learning that the answer is to go forward. Your job is to remain calm and matter-of-fact while they try different solutions.

You don’t get offended because the horse gave you the “wrong” answer. You allow them to learn.

I love looking at training this way because it allows me to be a neutral observer and my horse to be a clever collaborator. Neither of us are nincompoops. We’re both doing our part to move the partnership and education forward.

You’d probably give your horse that patience without thinking twice.

Now give yourself the same opportunity to learn.

When you make a mistake in the saddle, resist turning it into evidence that you’re a failure. Get curious about what happened, learn from it, and try again.

3. Stop telling yourself your horse doesn’t enjoy working with you

If you find yourself worrying that your horse doesn’t enjoy working with you, don’t immediately assume the worst. Pay attention to what your horse is actually telling you.

If you notice a meaningful change in your horse’s behavior or willingness to work, consider whether discomfort could be involved. Things like ulcers, sore feet, dental problems, or other physical issues can sometimes show up as what looks like a training problem. When something seems off, it’s worth involving your veterinarian or another appropriate equine professional rather than trying to train through a potential physical issue.

Beyond that, get curious about the work itself.

Is my horse tired of this—or am I?

Would we benefit from some cross-training, variety, or time off?

Does my horse actually enjoy the job I’m asking them to do?

I’ve seen horses that genuinely LOVE their jobs. They light up when they get the opportunity to do them. I’ve also seen horses that mostly seem to love doing fun things with their human and care a whole lot less about what that activity happens to be.

Rather than hiding from an inconvenient answer, be willing to look honestly at whether you and your horse are enjoying the direction you’re going.

Because if you love roping and your horse hates cows…

Honey, that’s never gonna end well. For either of ya.

Stop letting fear decide what you’re capable of

You aren’t going to start exactly where you want to finish. That’s part of being a rider.

You learn. You make mistakes. Your horse learns. You adjust. You figure out what works for the two of you, and little by little, you become more capable than you were before.

So when fear starts telling you I’m not good enough, I failed, or my horse doesn’t want to do this with me, don’t automatically accept the thought as fact.

Pay attention. Get curious. Learn what’s actually happening.

Then decide what deserves your belief.

Ready to build confidence instead of listening to fear?

Fear has a way of making every doubt sound like a fact. But those thoughts don’t have to control the way you ride.

5 Days to Confident Competitor helps you start changing the mental patterns that keep you second-guessing yourself, shrinking under pressure, and holding back when you want to ride boldly.

Over five days, you’ll learn practical mental tools to help you trust yourself, handle mistakes without spiraling, and show up with more confidence for both yourself and your horse.

Because confidence isn’t about never questioning yourself.

It’s knowing how to respond when doubt shows up.

👉 Join 5 Days to Confident Competitor

Happy Trails,
Nicole Burnett
Mental Coach for Western Riders

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